Some born knowing what do they want .Others doesn't know they just move on .
I knew what I want since I was a kid .My dream of being a Dr teaching what I know to students and doing my best not only to make them learn but also to create generations of morals and believes .
Generation that will have a dream of changing the world as I did .I realized that if I
want to change the world the best way will be of creating those generations. I was upset and still I am feeling so much pain that I am here till now and I haven't done some thing not for family nor for study .
It was a dream of life that I have been saying all the time .A dream that every one knew and make fun on it no one tried to give me a hand to do it .I was so upset lately cause this dream don't make me fall a sleep at night I keep thinking of it all the time .And sometimes I feel that I will not be able to do it .
Just because I have too many duties to be done too many that I can't tolerate it and it makes me wish that I lived far away from all of this world .Far away even from my self .Hiding to get one good night sleep !.
Is it pain what I am feeling in me?.Is it fear from tomorrow .Or am I blaming my self for all what is happening on earth .My head is about to explode and am feeling tired like a person who was running after illusions for a life time thinking that its an oasis .Even the pain. Have you ever saw someone used to it?.
That's me! I can't stop feeling it and I don't feel it as something that hurts .Its just like a mesquite that is annoying me from time to time not more or less. But sometimes I just wish if I can live a normal life just like all the girls in my age ,to have the same as there habits and favorites listen to music not feeling that I am thirty years old with hopeless life .
I used to feel sometimes that I have to slow down a little bit .Others I feel I have to run really fast like a rocket to catch up with the people .So fluctuating the way my life became .I feel that I lost a huge part of me between papers and pens trying to prove that I am smart not knowing that I don't need that .
But why I do listen to them ? and why I feel low self steam. I have been studying for 4 years and I end up feeling that am not smart in my major or may be that what people make me look like I am not good at any thing.Sometimes I wonder how I can just put on a smile and move on while I want to cry badly just because I was hurt .I guess its stupid when people say live your best life to tease your enemies .Seriously I can't live my life and I am feeling that I am drowned to somewhere else. I just wish now if I can travel far away .Far enough that I can build up my life feeling that I achieved something .Feeling that I made a difference not in my days but in people days.
April 4, 2008 at 8:34 AM