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I am fine !

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I am fine ..am fine

a sentence I kept singing all the time..

my soul am fine ..

a lie I kept telling every sunshine ..

but..am not fine

I know am not fine ..

its feels like am carrying a world on my shoulders..

a world of sorrow and pain ..

kept saying no more crying around..

but ..I can't cry any more..

kept saying wait for tommorow cause its gana be fine..

but ..it was worst than what I imagined..

kept sleeping and dreaming ..

that the prince will come ..

and that all the tears would be gone ..

but there were no prince..no happiness ..

and my tears has just dried ..

Kept saying tommorow..

I will get there where I belong..

but I lost even my way back home..

Kept singing no matter I felt the pain..

so birds wouldn't stop singing along ..

but I had to stop ..

and all the birds were died..

kept hoping and wishing to live ..

but all what I got was a pencil and a pen..


Me !

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Give me a word or a white area where I can be me ..

Give me a space where I can dance alone with no tears or pain. ..

Give me a piano so I can sing along with birds and trees..

Give me a pen so I can write my poems on papers and leafs..

Give me a shoulder where I can lean on when I need to lean. ..

Give me a place where I can breathe the freedom air under the rain. ..

Give me a sea where I can throw the sadness and all the pain . ..

Give me a hope so I can live one more day . ..

Give me the stars so I wouldn't look for them every single night. ..

Give me my lost me, cause since I was lost I can't find the away back to life..

No one is there to give me any thing ..

That’s why I give my lost dreams to whom who need...

Born to be a star****

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Some born knowing what do they want .Others doesn't know they just move on .
I knew what I want since I was a kid .My dream of being a Dr teaching what I know to students and doing my best not only to make them learn but also to create generations of morals and believes .
Generation that will have a dream of changing the world as I did .I realized that if I
want to change the world the best way will be of creating those generations. I was upset and still I am feeling so much pain that I am here till now and I haven't done some thing not for family nor for study .
It was a dream of life that I have been saying all the time .A dream that every one knew and make fun on it no one tried to give me a hand to do it .I was so upset lately cause this dream don't make me fall a sleep at night I keep thinking of it all the time .And sometimes I feel that I will not be able to do it .
Just because I have too many duties to be done too many that I can't tolerate it and it makes me wish that I lived far away from all of this world .Far away even from my self .Hiding to get one good night sleep !.
Is it pain what I am feeling in me?.Is it fear from tomorrow .Or am I blaming my self for all what is happening on earth .My head is about to explode and am feeling tired like a person who was running after illusions for a life time thinking that its an oasis .Even the pain. Have you ever saw someone used to it?.
That's me! I can't stop feeling it and I don't feel it as something that hurts .Its just like a mesquite that is annoying me from time to time not more or less. But sometimes I just wish if I can live a normal life just like all the girls in my age ,to have the same as there habits and favorites listen to music not feeling that I am thirty years old with hopeless life .
I used to feel sometimes that I have to slow down a little bit .Others I feel I have to run really fast like a rocket to catch up with the people .So fluctuating the way my life became .I feel that I lost a huge part of me between papers and pens trying to prove that I am smart not knowing that I don't need that .
But why I do listen to them ? and why I feel low self steam. I have been studying for 4 years and I end up feeling that am not smart in my major or may be that what people make me look like I am not good at any thing.Sometimes I wonder how I can just put on a smile and move on while I want to cry badly just because I was hurt .I guess its stupid when people say live your best life to tease your enemies .Seriously I can't live my life and I am feeling that I am drowned to somewhere else. I just wish now if I can travel far away .Far enough that I can build up my life feeling that I achieved something .Feeling that I made a difference not in my days but in people days.