So tiered apart that’s how I feel .Lost between a world of dreams I want to achieve and a world of reality that is really harsh and cruel and even worse no one is there for you ! .Being an invisible that how you become .After a certain period of time you find your self changing to satisfy others .Giving up who you really are just for the sake of having someone there for you!. Its like trading!!!. selling who you really are to get the life you want .Yet at that time wouldn't the picture become imperfect ?. You wont be the same and so is every thing around you !!.
Today and for few weeks I've been worried for my training and every one was saying don't get worried you are an A student and easily you can find a place .I tried to be optimistic as much I can by the help of my family and friends .They were all trying to decrease the amount of pressure am facing in taking the choice of where to work and I was happy to have such a family and friends like that .But the reality shock came in the day of the seminar .I really felt the pain of being different when they said that where I wanted to be trained in is only for locals !.So whats the use of the A I got ?.Should I hang it on the wall ???.I felt that I might get better apportuinities but I guess I have been dreaming for a very long time !.And I just wakeup knowing that I have to search again .To find the best,I will try my best !.I used to hear a say always aim to the moon because if you miss it you will fall between the stars.
And that's my aim !
Sometimes we wait for something to happen .Something to turn our life up side down ,change us deepest inside our soul. Some look for that ,others just set and wait and I never knew what has to be done !.
Finding ideal world were all people love each other ,respect and be nice .It's a dream ! I guess but deep inside me I belief there might be out some where . There is what we wished for every night ,every thing we dreamt of ,where fairy tales come true .Should I search ?I don't know but am trying to have the best life I can .I do believe in fairytales stories even in they are stupid I do and I'll never be able to change!.
In Some moments I get so sad, angry feeling that every thing is unfair ,every thing going against me .I never knew wither it was just a feeling or something that's happening to me .Why am not able to cry ?.I figured out lately that I promised my self when I was kid not to cry ,to keep my head high so the uncontrolled tears drops wouldn't fall on my face! when ever I feel sad I wouldn't cry till I learnt not to by practice .That's what teachers says practice, but I never knew that it will be true.
Now I miss the old me ,that cries when she is sad ,laugh when happy and never be ashamed of a drop of tear that can take a tiny part of the sorrow from her heart .
I always used to be afraid of something .Every one on earth is afraid of something .And I was trying to figure out what is it .Darkness ,bad people and problems all of these never scared me .I was only scared of one thing .How I will do ? and will I be the best ?.We leave it to allah .we say this on our culture and many other say it too .Now I realized that’s what used to scares me the most is the fact that there is something coming I have no idea about it .A dream might come true or a nightmare .That's why I keep saying we have to be optimistic. And I learnt that you have to be prepared for every thing the worst and the best and you have to plan your life as much as you can .Draw a way straight to your goals and achieve them no matter what
Today I was saying to my sister I have tons of ideas that If they become true it will change the world.And I told her that I wasn't able to sleep so she said write them down and study and do it ! .Its sounds easy for me .I know it needs financial support but I don't care I know I will reach my dreams no matter what happens.We will make a world of beautiful tommorows Alhamdulellah on every thing !
I believe I can fly .Yes finals wasn't easy butI did my best lean on allah that what I did .Staying awake the whole night no cheating thats the right way .I know I saw a lot cheating and I knew I deserve an A but I didn't care any more I have done my best went out of the course with a great understanding .Am happy and I know am smarter than all of them .No needto be evaluated who are they to evaluate me !.Am so satisfied alhamdulellah hamdan khathera mubarakan feeh kma tuhebu wa tarda.:) wish all the people the best in their lives.
