I don’t know what is with me these days . So many emotions, so many thinking , so many experiences. But although I still feel safe with familiar faces even if I don’t know them. I haven’t cry since a long time , because I hate crying and finding no shoulder to cry on. That’s why I promised my self not to see any thing but happiness and goodness in people. To be honest , I love the crazy life am living in today more than all the years I went through. Yet , I feel something different , I am noticing , am feeling , am breathing it just different. I was used not to sense, now I feel more as a human.
The word” feel “deserves to stop at. I used to smile , laugh but with tears in my heart. I used to feel sad but with no tears in my eyes. I used to try to help out and I always complemented my self to keep on doing the best I can not to feel sad I couldn’t alter the world around me, that at least I made a difference !. Now, I am sensing like I never did , the weather , the smiles, the sad faces , the sad words. Any thing that I notice hits a cord in me like it never used to.
I know am alive today more than ever it’s overwhelming. My heart beats are trying to catch up with the rhythm, no breathing, fast beats that never ends every day from the sunrise to the sunset .I come back to bed feeling tired, replying the amazing moments I had and feeling sad that today has ended.
I have to admit, it’s a huge change, exhausting yet overwhelming. I am enjoying it , although I hate being tired but I just like the chaos am living in ,it so incredible that I was able to give up my territory of organized and planned by ruler life. I am just enjoying it with the fast heart beats, with the million smiles every step on the road to school, with the students coming from school on Fridays, with the kids playing in the park next to where I live ,till the sea behind my room .The city lights in night , the music every where .
I saw this in my dream, and its amazing how much my reality is much more incredible than my dream!.
