She was setting in front of the window holding her knees to her chest swinging her body forward and backward .Sun beams where covering here face reflecting the sadness in her eyes. And as usual she was staring at the view outside the walls where she lived .I know she is not noticing any kind of movement .She doesn't see the cars because she is drowned in her own world .She said " Things are getting worse, people are focusing on talks, and hidden hates that never end .They doesn't give a care for how you feel ,or what you are hoping for .If you say no for something this means that you are loosing chances .You have to hope for the best ,that what I kept telling all the time .Why should we accept any thing while we can get the best ??. What will make us better .And can we get that?? .I always believed we can" she said .Voices in her head kept telling her that she was right .That what she had wasn't a matter of chance or good luck it was simply a hard work .Yet she never seemed to be able to convince them that she deserve what she got .She relied on there facts and she believed all what they were telling her .She thought she was stupid, ugly and unreliable and the list of propaganda goes on .The sparks in her eyes has disappeared and a hate has occupied the only place left there in her heart.She looked around, nothing was there but emptiness .When she hears the yelling, this hits a cord in her just as laughing does. Just as all what we feel does !. "Why I have to live in loneliness?" she asked. Being bonded to someone makes us weak but getting used to feeling lonely seems to be perfect. When you stay alone for a while you get strong because you convince your self that no one is there . Strong that is when you feel no need to cry, you find that tears are gone! .Gone for good, as it means pain and weakness. Crying is a drug, makes you forget how things should go, what you are there for and what has happened. Just like laughing that erases all the sadness moments and makes the world glamorous as it never was. Even like music, that takes you away to another world where you become the star and all the people point at you! She answered. She said "Why do they feel that I have to be grateful for a years of misery they gave me?. What kind of sense does it make, telling you that the pain you have been through is what made you an artist ? and if we haven't shattered your dream you wont be here today!. Yes it does pain can makes us extraordinary artists , but it takes away all the innocent dreams, wishes and hopes of a bright day . One day to be different .Only one day !"As a result every brush strike release pain for others to feel. When you become strong, you keep on smiling not because you are happy, but because you don't want people to know that your heart is crying inside. Sounds of the tears rivers running inside is so huge .Too hard to control, it distribute the pain through every vein all over your body .You would hear the heart beating through your head ,but you will keep on listening to loud music to lose its track .You know by time ,you are loosing your hearing .And the sight start to get more weak where the perfect picture start to look pale .Yet the boundaries of the picture starts to appear ,they tell you we made that voice in you and we made that good life you are living in we made the dream you achieved .Yet all what they made was voices in my head that never let me sleep.
Her face was flushed she looked like a one that was crying the whole night .But nothing changes the fact that there is no one to hold her hand . Not to warm her but to put off that fire that has been there in her heart for years .
How hard is it to feel so sad, so angry and you end up telling your story to the books?!. No kids neither nation has to feel this . No one , is so owned and controlled . We are all free .We have to let it go but how ??! ..She looked straight at the sky and she saw a light. Her body become so numb and for the first time she felt happy . She couldn't let it go ,but she was seeing that every thing started to melt .The picture ,them who made her cry ,the voices ,the fire inside .For a second the sound of the rivers has disappeared and the heart beating in her head was gone .The music has faded slowly and there was nothing but a taste of an everlasting joy .She knew that one day she will feel that feeling she have been waiting for it to let it go. So quite .The window has just disappeared !.
© Princess of Rain
